In an effort to keep the blood pumping on this blog, I hope to get on here at least every other day. Hopes and dreams are great and often don't turn out the way we planned, but it's a nice thought and really- how lazy would I be if I only did this a few times a month? Kind of like my gym attendance.... Anyway, there will be days where I introduce you to some of the characters in my life (and while they won't admit it, they are really the ones that make my life so interesting!) and other days, I might just bitch. Today I'm just going to storytell...
So I'm sitting in my car eating double stuffed Oreos and making a sundae... (see this is how an interesting story starts!) Ok- let me back up a bit... Over my lunch, I was doing what I do best. Last minute shopping. Actually, I shouldn't say I do it best, because I never come up with anything good and I always end up with the most random gifts. I give myself credit because I have never ran into a gas station for a gift, but I have come alarmingly close. Tonight was my friend Chelsea's baby shower. I had been asked to bring two appetizers. I had big plans. I had a delicious pasta salad in mind and some alarmingly delectable looking garlic knots. I imagined myself walking in with these amazing dishes that people would eat every last bite of and when they asked me how I did it, I would smile and shrug and tell them I just followed the recipe and it was just that simple. Instead, I bought a prepackaged meat tray and a case of soda. I don't even eat meat. Nor did two other guests. WTF?
Now, you might be assuming that my gift for the momma-to-be was just a gift card. There, you would be wrong. I have to give Pinterest credit where credit is due. If you scour that site for hours on end, days, weeks and months even, you occasionally stumble across something that even a monkey could do. The trick, is to look past the glitz and glamour. Or in my case, have your friend Kerry tell you it's so simple a monkey could do it. (Sidenote- she's at home right now putting together what I can only describe as "Pinspiring" words like "WASH" in the laundry room, "COOK" in the kitchen and maybe "WIPE" in the bathroom. Her husband probably ideas for in the bedroom as well.)
This brings me to my car, where I sat in the front seat, engine running, Bruno Mars blaring, while assembling an adorable sundae made out of onesies, washclothes, baby food and cotton balls. Because I didn't want to waste anytime stopping for food, I was eating double stuff oreos. Don't judge me. I've seen you eating your double cheeseburger while driving. Yeah- I saw that ketchup drip on your chin. I'm no worse and you're no better. Moving on... I'm eating and assembling when I hear a horn honk. A looong deliberate honk. I look around and realize there is a woman, about my age, impatiently sitting behind me, expecting me to move! Really? I get that its snowing and blowing and cold and I have the 4th spot in front of the door, but I don't see a time limit on my spot, so I go back to my project. A few seconds later- hooooooonk!
seriously! What is this ladys issue? I turn the music up and eat another Oreo.
Honk honk hooooonk!
This is quite literally the laziest woman in the world. I too am lazy though. There is no better fight than one between two sloth like individuals. So I casually put my car into reverse. She backs up a bit, suprisingly to allow me room to back up. I put my car back into park, eat another Oreo and go back to my project.
I wish I were a better lip reader because I'm sure she called me some names I hadn't been called before and I'm always looking for new words to add to my repetoire! She was obviously pissed. I don't normally go out of my way to "fight" people, but I had a project to do and there is no law against doing it in the Target parking lot!
After one more honk, she peeled off.
In the end, I had assembled an adorable gift that Martha Stewart would have been proud of, taught a lazy person a lesson and enjoyed a dozen cookies. I feel like I got the job done. Maybe I will start Pinning some appetizers that monkeys could make now!
Ciao!
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