Why hello there! Long time no talk! Please accept my sincerest apologies for the weeks of radio silence. You see, I'm terrible at keeping my own secrets. Other people's? Sure! Knowledge IS power right? But my own secrets? Forget about it! So when I was surprised to discover that I would be having a third baby, I had to shut down. If I hadn't, I would have been blabbing to the world about every little "exciting" development in my little embryo's day to day existence. I know many women out there are not fans of the whole pregnancy thing and to be honest, the first month is not my favorite, but after years of losses and missing out on the whole "alien in my tummy" feeling, I enjoy every iota of pregnancy. From the beginning when you feel so bloated and gassy you have to take your pants off the minute you get home, to the very end, when my feet swell up like inflated surgical gloves. It's such an amazing thing that we women do!
So enough of the mushy "I'm so blessed" stuff! Outside of creating a life today, I went out and got myself a little pedicure! I figure, as long as I can still see my feet and they aren't yet overflowing off the sides of my flip flops, I might as well pretty them up a bit. It actually Kerry's idea. I have to admit, it was fantastic timing. Just last night I was soaking each foot in it's own tub of Eucerin cream while I scoured Pinterest to find that "recipe" for the Listerine foot soak that apparently removes the outer layer of skin on your foot. (Sidenote- It makes you wonder doesn't it? Listerine cleans your mouth out and gives you minty fresh breath, but if you put your feet in it, the skin falls off? I didn't realize how serious they were about that 60 second swishing rule!) So her timing couldn't have been any better.
Now, I am going to be honest. I'm kind of a pedicure expert. Kind of. What I mean is, I've been around the block. That is to say, if every pedicure salon in town, were on one block, I would have been around it. Admittedly, a few new ones have popped up here and there, but the main staples in town have all touched my feet. I'm talking high end places like Day Lilly, where they offer you wine in a dimly lit room while your feet soak in scented bubble baths, to the filthiest of places, like JL Nails where the owner uses his overgrown fingernails to exfoliate your legs then has you soak your feet in the same water he has just dumped your dead skin and whatever the hell that was under his fingernails BEFORE he started scraping. If I haven't had it happen to me, I know someone who has had it happen to them. But today is not my day to rant about past stories of these places. (It's much better when I can tell it in person and you get to hear my wicked impersonation of said owner.) I only tell you this so you are aware of my qualifications and agree that I am quite equipped to judge any particular salon. So today, I would like to talk about Sara Nails.
Kerry, Sara (a co-worker who insists she never gets a good pedicure) and I popped in to Sara Nails for our lunch break today. It's a healthy hour long, but when you take into account drive time and the extra five minutes it takes to tell the "nail consultant" you need to be done quickly, you really only have about 40 minutes. I'm not entirely sure that the gentleman sitting at the front door ACTUALLY said that he could fit us in, or even that he ACTUALLY worked there, but we paraded ourselves in anyway, grabbed some polish and plopped down in the pleather "massage" chairs.
Things proceeded very quickly for Kerry and I. The employees must have known we meant business. Our feet were instantly immersed in lukewarm blue water and our massage chairs were cranked up to the same setting the terrorists use to get information out of men. It was less than amazing, but it would do. Sara on the other hand, got the seat with no lady. Kerry got the random guy from up front. At this point, I am assuming he worked there, but really- it could have just been some guy filling in for his wife or sister or something. At any rate, he immediately put on his latex gloves, pulled up his surgical mask and dove in. This guy meant business. Or at least he looked like it. Judging by the look of complete boredom on Kerry's face, the feel of rubber against her skin is not something she enjoys. (Hey Mr Kerry- word to the wise... ) My lady halfheartedly shot some goo on my foot, then lazily slapped the sole of my feet with a pumice stone. It tickled.
Still no lady for Sara.
Kerry's guy brought out his Pampered Chef cheese grater (Ok- to be clear, it's not REALLY Pampered Chef, but we did all debate over whether or not the PC Cheese grater would work on our feet and if it would void the warranty or not.) and began shaving off the bottom of her feet. My lady followed suit and started to grate at my feet.
Still no lady for Sara, but she was thoroughly enjoying watching the mountain of foot skin pile up in the towel in front of me!
At this point, Kerry's rubber handed guy is doing his best to massage her legs. We can tell that Kerry is almost confused, torn by her feelings of disgust, as the little latex covered hands squeeze and push on her legs, and the pleasure she feels in just having her legs massaged for the first time in a while! My lady has asked me to soak again, because my feet are pretty bad and while I couldn't quite understand her native tongue, I think I heard her say something about finding a belt sander...Meanwhile, at Sara's chair, the heavens opened and her lady has arrived!!
This has taken about 25 minutes at this point. Just so you are following along here.
Soon after, my feet are pulled out, rubbed down and the painting process has begun. The same is happening at Kerry's seat. The same is happening at Sara's. Wait- What? Is that right? Yup! Sara got the fastest AND the laziest "artist" in the "salon". We literally all finished within minutes of each other. In fact, as we left the shop, the lady who had worked on Sara was practically chasing after her to put on her top coat. It was almost like getting your pedicure in a drive through. (Now THERE'S an idea!)
I'm not here to put any business down. What Sara Nails lacks in class, comfort and health certifications, it makes up for with it's low cost and high tolerance for my disregard for my feet. Had I walked into Day Lilly with feet like I had earlier, they would have asked me for a doctor's note to ensure the safety of their employees prior to touching my feet. Places like Sara Nails, they don't care. Also- I would like to point out that I firmly believe that the cheese grater does a much better job on my feet, AND lasts longer, then the scented bubble baths and paraffin wax dips. So I totally give credit to places like Sara Nails in that department. All in all, I will go back again. I mean- it's only $25 and when they wear those surgical masks, I can't see the look of disgust on their faces while they work on my feet. :)
Thanks for sticking around folks! I hope that we can get this ride back up and running smoothly. Perhaps next time I will share the story of my progesterone supplements and being forced to take the stairs while the power was out? Or maybe that's too early in our relationship... :) Have a great night!
